Since I don’t feel like finding the EU power converter for the Tascam to record a podcast with audio integrity instead of being such a Uranus about it… I am going to write down my thoughts on compatibility in astrology very quickly, instead, as promised.

Much of what I think about the topic is inspired by my teacher and colleague Annabel Gat, who recently made public a quiz from her book, The Astrology of Love and Sex, which includes a really solid ethical philosophical grounding that I try to follow in my personal and professional life. Here’s an excerpt, and a link to take the quiz and read more:

“Here at VICE, we approach astrology with the attitude that any sun sign combinations can be compatible with strong communication, boundaries, maturity, and desire. For us, compatibility is unique from person to person, not sun sign to sun sign. One Scorpio’s dream Pisces could be another Scorpio’s nightmare; one Libra’s Aries hero could be another Libra’s foe.”

Someone replied to my IG stories like, “Let me guess, you think that an astrology chart isn’t supposed to determine your relationships?” Yep. Bang on. You cannot use astrology as a way of cheating fate. If you’re in a difficult relationship, it’s not because you’re powerless. You have the choice to learn from it or to improve it in whichever way. People hate hearing that they are not powerless, for some wicked psychological reason that I don’t have the professional qualifications to explain.

For example, the most popular astrology app, Co-Star, you might have heard of it, is made for entertainment. It is a conversation starter. It’s not meant to tell you how to live your life. I shouldn’t have to say this. If an automated robotic app says that an Aquarius and a Scorpio are not compatible, but you have been together for a long time, it’s clear what’s right and what’s wrong. While many of us are looking for that sort of paternal, authoritarian guidance, I absolutely refuse to be the one to tell you what to do! Astrology is a tool, it’s not the law. It can show a dynamic between two people, but the only thing that will determine the breakup or the engagement is the couple themselves.

All relationships have their strengths and challenges. They exist outside of the realm of astrology, which is a series of stellar signs reflecting the human experience. There are cultural nuances and other unique, subjective factors that an astrology app or fun book can’t bring to life like quite like your own consciousness can. There is plenty that an astrologer cannot possibly glean without the presence or input of the person who they’re reading for. The astrology chart is filled with symbols of potential, but how they are animated is fully determined by the individual.

I often refer to this part of The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. There is a psychic fortune teller. He knows the future, but it’s set in stone. He compares it to a roller coaster. He can see the ups and downs, the general shape, but you still have to ride it. No one is going to ride the roller coaster for you.

If you respect astrology, you know that a person’s birth chart is a precious representation of an individual’s entire universe. It is extremely personal and needs to be treated with care. When we have a new crush, it’s easy to get fixated and way too ahead of ourselves, and look at their birth chart like a creepy voyeur. But even their 2d chart just shows potential— how they live up to that potential is up to them, and how it manifests in their life is not always crystal clear.

It’s written in the ISAR code of ethics that looking at someone’s birth chart requires their explicit consent, and reading a birth chart without this consent is unethical. Let me reiterate: when you’re looking at someone’s birth chart you’re staring into the pits of their soul. This is why many professional astrologers and celebrity astrology enthusiasts refuse to give away their birth time. It’s as personal as a thumb print. 

If an astrologer is to perform a synastry service that is dignified, ethical, and responsible, then they need the full consent of both people. Some astrologers will even refuse to move forward without the presence of both people. I once provided a partner’s signature to one astrologer.

If you get someone’s birth data, do they even know what you’re doing with it?  Do you even know what you’re doing with it? If you are seriously interested in a harmonious and mutually respectful relationship, answer these questions before you add someone on Co-Star. Just a suggestion.